


behind it all (there's a price to be paid)

by patientalien



Series: Whumptober 2019 [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, References to Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-11-10 18:24:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20856242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patientalien/pseuds/patientalien
Summary: Thor's hands don't shake all the time anymore.But sometimes they do.





	behind it all (there's a price to be paid)

**Author's Note:**

> For Day 1 of Whumptober: Shaking Hands

His hands don't shake all the time anymore, which is nice. Back when the pain had been fresh and raw, his hands shook all the time. His entire body would tremble as though it were trying to vibrate into its component atoms, and there were times he would have welcomed it. To disappear into dust; if only he had been one of the lost.

Thor's hands don't shake all the time anymore, just after a bad nightmare – and there are so, so many memories that can be dredged up and twisted even further by his subconscious – does the tremor return. Or if he hasn’t slept in a while, trying to avoid the nightmares. Then his hands shake and his eyes burn and sometimes he swears he sees Loki out of the corner of his eye, but when he turns, nothing is there.

Damn prosthetic.

Damn Hela.

His hands don't shake all the time anymore. Only when he thinks about the past few years: Has it really been barely a decade since everything started spiraling out of control? Has it really been less than three years since Odin had died. Since Asgard had burned. Since Loki and Heimdall and Volstagg and… He sits on his hands to still them, and struggles to breathe. Everything, even breathing, feels hard now.

Thor’s hands don't shake all the time anymore. Only when he's sober, so he tries to limit that state of being as much as he can. When he has his hand wrapped around a bottle, everything is still. His body relaxes; no more quivering in coiled tension, no more feeling as though he is pulling muscles simply by existing. His mind slows, allowing him to enjoy lesser distractions like video games and television and sleeping – excessively - without dreams. It's a peaceful existence, now, with Korg and Miek in this brave new world Thor has had a shaky hand in creating.

His hands don't shake all the time anymore. He's learned how to stop it. He's learned how to cope. He's comfortable now, at least.

Most of the time, his hands don't shake.


End file.
